|Our investigators arrive at Twat Manor, which as you will see is testament to both his wealth & madness|
Very loosely base on the movie of the same name.
Screenplay by Me
4 very famous detectives received the letter below.
You who think your the greats criminal mind of your time or any other time for that matter, are invited to join me at my home for dinner & to solve a crime that has not yet been committed.
So sure are you of your own brilliants that I'm sure you'll not be able to refuse the challenge to pit your wits against mine, but just in case I offer the sum of 1 Million US Dollars to the one who beats me & solves the mystery.
Lionel Twat .
Also in the latter was the time & date of the advent & directions to the nearness town were they would all be picked up at 6.45 PM
Maple "You seem to be very interested in that note book dear, may I asks whats in it ?"
Polly "When I was hired to come here I was giving this note book & told to bring it with me, but I can't say whats in it"
Maple "Come now why ever not ?"
Polly "I can't read"
Chip "Are going to clean that up ?"
Man Clean what up sir"
Chip the great big ash that's just falling off her cigar, are blind or something ?
Man " Yes sir I am blind"
Polly"Please call me Polly, that's my name Polly Tops , I've no idea to be honest.
No'idea "How does she know my name No'itall ? she asks in their tribal languish.
Woman "May be"
Woman "May Bee, that's my name how can I help you ?"
Chip"Well why are you here, do you know Mr Twat ?"
May " Sorry no I don't, I'm an actress & my agent sent me here.
Hugh "Deaf "
Hugh"He's deaf Maple" which is something I wish I was myself at times, he thinks.
Chip" What a load of bull, of coarse he's not"
Voice"Are you so sure Mr Spud ? think your so smart don't you ? well from what your bookmaker tells me you don't know one end of a horse from the other"
Tasha"Now he's talking to us Chip"
Chip"No it just some kind of trick, there's something as wacky about this whole joint"
Tasha"Come Chip I need a drink"
Hi"I'm Sally Twat, Lionel Twat's adopted daughter"
Maple" could you tell me is Mr Twat here tonight ?"
Sally I couldn't say, I've never seen him"
"The names Skip Rope, I'm Mr Twat's new personnel fitness trainer just started today, & you are ?
No'itall"This is my owner Princess No'idea & I'm No'itall, the Princess is a great detective"
Airy "Is she playing some kind of guessing game with us ?"
Ridiculous" No you fool, May Bee is her name & she's an actress, pay attention"
May" That's right & I'm getting 500 dollars to be here the night, but what part I've to play I don't know"
Tom"sorry I've only got water, of which you can have tap,bottled or sparkling, the sparkling has some have good vintages"
KOO KOO the Clock strikes 10 PM, you don't want to see the clock again do you ?
Twat"So how are you enjoying your evening ?"
Ridiculous "Whats your game Mr Twat why have you brought us all here ?"
Twat"Why for the chance to earn one million dollars, which I know you all badly need by the way"
Twat" Then why else did you all come ? to solve a crime where there has not yet been one ?why risk you reputations pitting your minds against someone you all believe to be a madman, not to mention each other as there can only be one winner"
Chip"Listen Twat whats with all this crime that hasn't been committed crap ? from what I've seen so far tonight if I didn't know better I'd think I was in a lunatic asylum"
Twat" Rest assured there are no lunatic's here & fear not for by the stroke of midnight there will indeed be a crime to solve, in fact a murder most foul"
No'itall" You mean someone in this house is going to be murdered, tonight ?"
Twat"Very good Miss No'itall, but first your dinner is ready, so go & eat, I shall leave now & see you all in the morning, when you can tell me your who you think is the guilty party.
When they go to the dinning room the table was set with everyone's favourite dish in front of a chair with their name on it, but much to Tasha disappointment only water to drink.
By 11.30 our bunch of clever clogs were once again trying to solve the riddle, riddle me this riddle me that who going to be murdered is it going to be Twat ? Sorry about that got a bit carried away, now where were we ? oh yes.
Spud & Fartts rush up the stairs & lower him down, after Dr Killjoy examines him & pronounces him dead,
Chip"Your quite sure he's dead Doc ?"
Killjoy"What do you take my for ? of course he's dead I won't have said so if he wasn't"
Chip"Sorry but I had to ask, its in the script"
You can now go & part take in what ever refreshments takes your fancy I make not judgemental, but please do not try to leave the theatre as all the doors have been locked, you are now what is called a captive audiences.
The movie will resume in
Tasha Looking around"Did anyone else head that ?"
Maple"Hear what ?"
Chip"Now don't start getting spooked on me doll, there are no heads on the walls in here"
No'itall"Which is Mr Spud"
Chip"We've got a murder to solve"
Maple"What he just said, why this case is so clear that that poor blind man out there could see who done it"
Ridiculous "I suppose you know who did ?"
Maple" Yes, someone in this house, perhaps even in this very room"
All go shifty eyed & look around the room at each other.
No'itall"I suggest that we go talk again to the others to find out where they where at the time of the murder, before going to bed to rest on the matter"
Airy"Don't you mean mattress?"
Ridiculous "Airy come a long you fool"
Killjoy" I think she's mute Maple, that's why no one could get a word out of her & besides she was with us"
Maple" Red herrings at every turn"
Polly"Yes please do"
Chip"Can you tell me where you were when the murder /"
Polly"Yes I was standing right here, don't you remember ? you'd just left me to go & talk to the blind gentleman with the bush & if I stand here much long people will start to think I'm also a statue"
Chip" Have you anyone who can vouch for that ?"
Tasha"Yes I can"
Miss Twat" No not at all Miss No'itall I was talking to the two Frenchmen"
No'itall"Thank you for your time goodnight"
Miss Bee" Poor Mr Cruise to come to such an end, I was at the bottom of these stairs, I'd come down to power my nose"
Ridiculous"As you said you had stay in your room until you came down & found him, how is it you know his name ?"
Miss Bee" I passed him on the way down & he introduced himself, now if you've no more questions I'm going to bed"
Airy" Good idea I'll join you"
Miss Bee"I beg your pardon"
Ridiculous"Forgive him Mademoiselle he's an idiot, what he means is that he will go to his bed also"
Ridiculous"My theory is that it was suicide, as everyone is accounted for when Monsieur Cruise died"
No'itall"The problem with your theory is it is no theory, but like that game played with dice crap"
Maple"What difference does it make, Twat is clearly the murder"
No'itall"Without a body it is going to be hard to prove that Mr Twat is a murderer"
Killjoy"I'd stake my reputation on it"
Chip"You just have & ours as well"
Maple"We have Twat & don't think you'll get away with it because you removed the body, bodies have a strange way of turning up"
Chip" The only thing murdered here sweetheart was the peoples time watching this movie.
Designer note, Murder by Death if you haven't seen it, is spoof movie of the classic who done it murder mysteries with a host of stars & a movie I really like, to try to do a comedy using models on a blog is I think the hardest thing I've tried, did it work ? only you dear reader can tell me, but I'd a lot of fun setting it up taking the photo's & writhing it up.
The rules I came up with & posted are like the movie a spoof & yes while they can work, I know that because I used them for this, but tbh I think I got lucky in that one of the few passed challenges lead to a joker been drawn, I would think that the odds are very much against that happen unless unlike me the players are very good at rolling 4+ on dice, but to dare is to do right?
Out of the 50 challenges below is a picture of the success plus the joker, giving that 3 of theses where free passes & some where on d8s
What I would have done if no murder had taken place thankfully I'll never know : )
That's a rap for this post as always my thanks for dropping in & if you'd care to be a movie critic please leave a comment it will be welcomed, or have I got a flop on my hands : )